A BRAND FOR THE BURNING

by Doris (32-G-4)

Unlike so many, to me the discovery of TRANSVESTIA was a trau- matic experience I would not want to undergo again. I am one in whom the old desire has lain smouldering but well banked for years, ever since the earliest days of adolescence. Now and then a bit of flare-up, now and then a pang, and as the years went on never dying, waxing stronger. In the past two or three years flaming out here and there, intruding, scrabbling at my mind. Let my eye stray to a lingerie shop as I passed, and the sudden burning flame scorched my heart and soul in one stinging flare as the eye lingered a moment too long on some pink bit of nylon and lace, on a baby doll delect- ably displayed or a pair of lacy panties or a petticoat. I would walk on, with a twisting pain wrenching at me and bear with it and in a few minutes it would pass and I could continue.

But again and again....and then I saw in a magazine shop near Times Square a magazine wrapped in cellophane: Transvestia No. 11. I looked, I didn't know what was in it, the price was exorbitant ($8.00) --a pig in a poke and one had been stung before. I passed it up. But the next day I thought of it and the next, and finally I went and bought it--and issue #12.

I

As I read them, my hands trembled, I felt burning and weak. felt the banked fires raging around me. I sweated and gasped for breath and my mind said-- these are the people--they're good--they're good--they're not fakes--they're on your side--they see as you see. And I couldn't bear it.

It was agony and it opened a month of agony. I was due to go to the West Coast on business a month from then. I must see these people. I must talk with them--and I cannot in New York, I dare not, I have not the place nor the opportunity. But out there I can and I must. But how do I do this? I wrote them, a cautious letter-- too cautious for I had only my business office to use, not my home. And I waited. And I agonized.

The burning was nearly constant. On the subway going to work, I would feel it hot inside me. On the subway going home, it would twist and writhe and blaze away until I felt almost faint and wanted

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